I think it's been years since I've logged onto xanga.   Yes, literally years.  But I'm approaching graduation from my MA program in TESOL, feeling reflective about another chapter of my life closing, as they say, and facebook just doesn't cut it.

Let's just say that regression is a part of moving forward.

coalesce

anyway

you illusions of vapors

it is a trick of the light

you will never compress and be solidwooden- Jones cool

I guess I am the kangaroo in the ballet

the lawyer strolling the streets as a mime

the toddler soldier

what-have-you...

and how does anyone train for that?

You have more hope of making soup out of dry ice

or a survival shelter with a deck of Uno cards

or a praise chorus from a complaint slip to a restaurant

Me, a teacher...why?  No, let's not bother with that, How?

Well, darling, let's just say my teaching methods are going to be truly revolutionary....if they work at all, because I'm....well, I'm.....special...  yeah, that's it.

And I believe in your training methodologies, your teaching pedagogies, they're glorious, they always work...

Just like good recipes work no matter what ingredients you add...

Heck, I don't know why I didn't stick with my original plan and become a rock star

Ok, ok, so I'm being overly cynical.  When I write like this, I am looking for someone to prove me wrong.  I am writing with my feelings, really.  It's just that maybe I thought this degree would give me something else, the thing I most need, but it can't - because my needs are other people's inevitabilities.  Confidence, a personality change, and a brain transplant can't come from a degree...

But, who said I needed all of that anyway?  I just want a job...and remember, I'm brilliant because I'm unique...yeah.  And if I can make myself succeed, I'll know how to help anyone on that path...and that's teaching.

1.  "We do not expect precision in the give-and-take of an oral debate, so it is hardly surprising that this debate exhibits some imprecision."  (from Jesus' Resurrection, Fact or Figment?  A debate between William Craig and Gerd Ludemann)

When people argue, they never say exactly what they mean or answer the question that was really asked, so why should this fight be any different?

How can you expect me to know exactly what to say? Talking is like playing Marco Polo, we are calling out in the darkness between our minds until we find each other's meaning.

Are these words really all we have to build bridges for our souls to meet and our minds to commune?  They are not enough, we cannot hear each other clearly through the static of ourselves.

I do not want to understand your words, I want to knock them down.  What do I care if a few swings of the hammer miss the tree?  I will connect in time.

Today I skipped church in Japanese for more sleep and part of a video sermon online, which got happily interrupted by a chat on skype with my mother.  Then I spent the evening with my boyfriend.  I practiced driving for about half an hour, and Nathan only had to grab the wheel a few times.

Afterwards we went for dinner at a curry place where I got -yes- fried chicken salad.   The chicken was fried and warm, but without seasoning, so I dipped it in soy sauce.  We drove back to the area where our apartments are and we went to my apartment, where we amused ourselves by listening to Wierd Al on the Internet and rewatching Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

 Now my eyes are heavy and I know that I must sleep soon or ruin a perfectly good Monday off...Today I destressed from the work week (I work until 8:00 Saturday night), tommorrow I should shop and clean and do something besides stare at a computer or sleep.

Still, I'm glad I took a good half hour to read you guys' xanga sites.  It helps me to feel connected to other people...But why in my xanga subscription list are no two people in the same location?  Not even, now that I think of it, a lot of them aren't even in the same state.

It makes me think about a word I had to teach in a class recently:  Diaspora...I've met these people in California and in Taiwan, but now, most of us have scattered to other parts of the globe.  All my friends are scattering, flitting about, writing emails about places we'll never get to show each other.  Sometimes it seems all very broad and exciting, but sometimes I wish like Tolkien that there were no cars...let alone planes, and we would all settle down in a small town somewhere and experience life in depth, and know each other more completely: a history  lived together in days and weeks, not months and half years and casual updates, now and then.

 Is a wider view of the world really more complete?

I think it's a sign...

So... for lunch, I mixed an egg with a little flour, coated both sides of a flour tortilla, and cooked it in a frying pan.  I put some salad mix in the middle and tried to keep it warm.  Then I rolled up the thing and started dipping it in sticky teriyaki basting sauce...I think it's a sign:  I might miss Taiwan... a little.